I overthink Everything

I overthink Everything
I've been thinking about what I say at work and, had that super cringe 'why the fuck did it come out like that' feeling..
But not today, Satan.

I have been working really hard on forcing myself to break the negative thought loop as soon as I catch it, and I am finally learning how to 'think my way out of it.' 

It's kind of exciting and It feels healthier.
It's not 100 percent of the time, but it is getting easier. 
I figured out what works for me, and that is fighting fire with fire…or in this case, thoughts with thoughts.
If overthinking were a sport, I'd be the Roy Kent of that sport.

So I said fuck it, and decided to embrace the thoughts instead of fight them.

 It was tough to do at first, but I have been getting better at logic-ing my way out of my own head.

*hits blunt

Once I started doing this out loud and recording it, I realized how much freaking energy it sucks out of me. Just listening to myself I can tell that some of the rationalizations I make in my head are…fucking stupid

My co-workers have given me no reason to distrust them.
They are wonderful, patient people who I think are able to see that I'm growing, even if I make some awkward verbal slips.
Growth is awkward and hard
but it feels good.*

*like butt s-...nevermind…

One response to “I overthink Everything”

  1. […] Final Version I was just feeling cringe-y about some of the things I said at work today. I have that cringe feeling, but I am able to think my way out of it. I have been working on breaking negative thought loops and I think it is actually working….I am excited by that, it feels healthier, and it feels great to be able to chase that feeling off at will. It's not 100 percent of the time, but it is getting easier. I normally overthink everything. As I was thinking about how everything I said was dumb or awkward and how I probably look stupid, I caught myself. "Shut the fuck up. They were asking legitimate questions to get to know you. They wouldn't keep asking questions sincerely if they felt awkward. I think they sense that I just need to talk to someone, and they are helping me to release a little pressure at a time. I sincerely appreciate that. " for the last 30 years I would keep the negative thoughts going and I would easily be able to write 10 pages worth of overthinking brain garbage. I literally felt more awake by pushing off that feeling. My co-workers have given me no reason to distrust them, and they are wonderful, mature adults who will be able to see me growing, even if I make some awkward verbal slips. fuck it – pat on the back, me! and pat on the back for the really great coworkers I have! Today is an 'I got this' day. […]

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