I ignore messages and calls like it's my job. 

I feel incredibly lonely, 
but I can't always bring myself to be around people.

I have lost most of my friends doing this…
I'm in  the process of doing it now with some people I just met….

I'm workin' on it…

I don't hate being alone, but I kind of wish I had some friends to be alone with.

I have conditioned myself over the years to not care about myself. 
I always assume I am less intelligent or inferior in any situation. 

This leads me to put up this defense mechanism where I try to project confidence in anything but myself.


I went to a therapist for a year and a half and I could never get myself to fully open up. 
I would always try to put a positive spin on how things were really going, and I would censor what I considered to be my 'dumbest' thoughts. 

This person loves to listen to problems so much that they became a therapist… and I would still hide things.


I am finally being honest with myself
but I still have a hard time being honest with others.

I am taking the time to learn about myself for now.
The people that I have surrounded myself with, I think, understand that I don't mean to be such a weirdo all the time.

I am just, 
as they say,

goin' through it right now…..





for 29 years…